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It isn't at all what Gleb would have expected from a New Year's celebration, even down to the date, but then, the past week and a half has made the fact of that itself easily predictable. Nearly everything about Darrow seems to be as far from the Russia he left behind as it's possible to get, and this is no exception. At least it's not quite as unpleasant or as unusual as it could be, as other things have been. Practically the entire city has turned out for this, it seems, bundled up more so than dressed up, waiting in line for food from street vendors. He's heard talk of other New Year's Eves spent up the mountain at the ski lodge, and between the two options, this one is infinitely preferable.
For all the people here, though, there's really only one whose presence he cares about. Despite seeing her, at her insistence, on the Christmas they celebrate here, he barely has the first idea what to do around Anya, no more than he did when he first caught sight of her here outside her building, having thought that he would never see her again. What he does know is that she's as beautiful as he's ever seen her, so much that it nearly hurts to look at her. She's not dressed for the ballet or a press conference this time, and mercifully so, but she's still a world away from the street sweeper he first noticed, what feels like so much longer ago now than it must actually have been. He never could have guessed then where they would wind up, either in this place or before it.
Of course, it makes sense that she would seem to fit in here, far better than he does or could imagine to himself. Wearing the suit that he'd worn in Paris, the nicest thing he owns and likely to stay that way, for how far from comfortable he is in it, he straightens his jacket before he makes his way over to her, mostly for something to do with his hands. "Anya," he says. "You look — well."
For all the people here, though, there's really only one whose presence he cares about. Despite seeing her, at her insistence, on the Christmas they celebrate here, he barely has the first idea what to do around Anya, no more than he did when he first caught sight of her here outside her building, having thought that he would never see her again. What he does know is that she's as beautiful as he's ever seen her, so much that it nearly hurts to look at her. She's not dressed for the ballet or a press conference this time, and mercifully so, but she's still a world away from the street sweeper he first noticed, what feels like so much longer ago now than it must actually have been. He never could have guessed then where they would wind up, either in this place or before it.
Of course, it makes sense that she would seem to fit in here, far better than he does or could imagine to himself. Wearing the suit that he'd worn in Paris, the nicest thing he owns and likely to stay that way, for how far from comfortable he is in it, he straightens his jacket before he makes his way over to her, mostly for something to do with his hands. "Anya," he says. "You look — well."
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She could have spent New Year's Eve up on the ski mountain, but she decided that spending it surrounded by as many people as possible would be better. The night is lovely, if a bit on the cold side, but there are warming spaces scattered about for when it is overwhelming. And it is overwhelming in more ways that she can name at the moment, especially not after the three glasses of champagne that she's splurged on.
Smiling reflexively as she spots Gleb she notes how he straightens up at the sight of her. It is still awkward, her feelings about him complex, but she's glad he came out for the holiday. "Gleb," she greets warmly as she nears. "Thank you. You look good as well. Have you been enjoying your night?"
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"I think I need a drink before I can enjoy it," he admits, a little wry. It's at least partially a joke, but there's a truth to it all the same. He's had hardly any time here, and most of what he's seen, he's been less than comfortable with. This, at least, is better than some of the rest of it, without the extravagance of the Christmas celebrations, the lights and the signs trying to entice shoppers in. That doesn't mean he knows quite what to do with it, different as it is from what he's used to. "Have you?"
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Perhaps there is nothing to forgive. Or if there is, all of it is worth being forgiven for tonight. It is about to the start of a new year. 2018, a hundred years from that fateful night. Here they both are, survivors of it, standing in front of the city hall of a strange city. They both deserve to start the new year off how they want it to be.
She laughs lightly at his small joke, tilting her head in mild interest. "You haven't gotten one for yourself yet?" She gestures to the booths all around. "We really should fix that before midnight. There's not much time left."
At his question, she considers it for a moment, her expression changing to thoughtful before back into a smile. "I have been, though I think the champagne has helped."
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"But I'm glad to hear it," he adds, his smile widening just a touch. "Would you like to come with me to fix that, then?"
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“I understand,” she says with a nod and a thoughtful smile, easily finishing the end of his sentence. Drinking alone doesn’t seem like a pleasant prospect. It would be too easy for feelings to take over and run away, the mind turning over the previous year or years until there is nothing left.
The widening of smile pleases her, because Anya is glad to see him relaxIng. She can’t imsgine Gleb ever being fully comfortable here, but she can’t see that for herself either. They’re good company. “Yes I did would. I think we can get you one before they start the countdown. There’s plenty of time left, I think.”
She gestures towards the lines, shorter than they were an hour ago. They’re down to the last twenty minutes of the year. People are likely trying to get in place to have a decent view.
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It's still a little unfathomable, if he's honest. He shouldn't have lived to see the end of 1927, and certainly not any time as far-off as this. 2018 — a hundred years since her family died, since she was supposed to have. The thought crosses his mind unbidden, and he does his best to bury it. If she isn't thinking about that already, then the last thing she needs is a reminder, and from him of all people.
For a moment, he starts to reach for her, but stops before his hand finds her arm, turning the gesture into a sort of beckoning instead. "It looks like the line over here isn't very long."
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“I’ve tried to find out why they burn the effigy,” she starts conversationally as they enter the line. It’s morving at a fairly decently quick pace, the vendors just as eager as the patrons to have an empty line by the time midnight arrives. “But no one had a decent explanation. It could be very pretty, like the harvest fires out in the countryside, but it strikes me as a bit odd.”
What she doesn’t mention is that it reminds her of the fires that burned during those terrible early days of the revolution. The gunfire and the acrid smell of smoke forever tied together to set her teeth on edge. It’s easier now than it once was. The desperate need to keep warm to survive stamped out her reticence.
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The longer he spends in Darrow, the more questions it seems that he has, and the longer he spends here, the more apparent it seems to become that most of those questions are going to go unanswered.
"If they had a reason, it might not be, but as it is..." Trailing off, he shrugs. He had, if anything, found Christmas to be more off-putting, with all of the noise and the lights and the focus not even on the sentiment behind giving gifts but on buying them. Were tonight the same, he doubts he'd have bothered with any of it. Still, to have a custom like burning the figure of a person in effigy without anyone knowing why truly is odd, to say the least.
Suddenly, the drink he's waiting in line for seems like a much-needed one.
"But I suppose that's to be expected, isn't it?"
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Perhaps one day Anya will have greater insight. Today, however, is for observing another odd set of traditions.
"I think it might be," she agrees with a thoughtful nod, moving forward with the line. "Come midnight, we will be 90 years out of step with what we knew. A little unsettling is perhaps the least of our problems."
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"You haven't seemed to be having much of a problem with it," he notes, head tipping slightly to the side. Perhaps it's not entirely fair when he hasn't seen all that much of her since he arrived, but at least as far as he can tell, she seems to have some grasp on how to get by in this future into which they've been thrust. He's seen her now, though, as several different people: the lost Grand Duchess in Paris, the street sweeper in Leningrad, the girl behind a closing gate ten years and another lifetime ago. Had those pieces not come together, had they all been taken in isolation, he wouldn't have questioned any of them. It's no wonder, then, that she seems to be doing well enough for herself here and then some. "I still don't understand most of it, and I wouldn't even if it weren't for the effigy. Ninety years — I don't know how anyone could catch up on that much time."
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A small laugh escapes her at his comment. "I'm used to adapting, to playing a part," she comments with a light shrug before looking up at him. "This is just another make believe."
It both is and isn't. This is her world, their world, willing or not. Somehow pretending that it isn't permanent, that it is just another step makes it easier. "I don't think anyone fully can catch up on that much time. But we can try. We have to try. It's a brave new world and it has such people in it."
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Any questions Gleb might have about any of that, though, he's kept to himself, and he means to continue doing so. He may have told her who she really is and what almost happened because of it, but how to ask about how any of that is possible at all, he has no idea. For that matter, he isn't sure he would want to know. Her identity, he has no doubt about, but it's still so difficult to reconcile the girl he saw all those years ago as the gate closed, who lived across the road from him, whose family he was taught from an early age to hate, with the woman standing before him now.
He almost killed her. He loves her. It's difficult to reconcile that, too.
"It does at that," he says, by way of agreeing with at least the second part of what she's said. Brave and new might not be quite how he would choose to describe this place, but he can't exactly say she's wrong, either. It's something, strange and uncomfortable and remarkable all at once. "Perhaps this is a start, as far as trying is concerned."
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Pretending to be someone that she's not is an easy enough thing. It's less dangerous here than it was when she said as much to him in his office back in Russia. Perhaps it had been an innocent enough fantasy, despite the fact that all that she'd been pretending, had come to believe and then disavowed, is actually the truth. That she is a little lost princess, that her father and mother once ruled Russia. She can picture the floorboards of that house in Yekaterinburg, can smell the rough soap, the breeze in the walled in garden that was never enough. Over the past few nights, ever since Gleb arrived and told her that all she'd wanted to believe and didn't want at once was true, she's thought of the close of the gates. The young man her eyes with the serious expression. How she'd hoarded the images of those outside, made up stories of their lives and what she'd say to them when given the chance.
None of that matches what she actually said to him. But she hadn't known who she was then. He had just been a man in a uniform offering her aid. Another cold wind blows sending a shiver down her spine as it tugs at the fabric of her coat and silvery dress. It was such a pretty thing she hadn't been able to resist it. It's not the most practical garment for the weather.
"I think it is," she says with an assertive nod of her head. There is only one person ahead of them now, perfect timing with midnight being five minutes away. "What are you going to drink?"
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That is not, however, why he instinctively slips off his suit jacket to rest it on her shoulders. The coat she's wearing is a beautiful thing, which he can't help but feel a little strangely about, but regardless, it doesn't exactly seem intended for weather like this. He can spare his if it means she'll be a little warmer.
The person in front of them steps aside, and both in response to her question and to the man behind the counter, he says, "Vodka soda," shrugging a moment later as he turns towards Anya as if to fend off any remark about it. It's predictable, probably, but he isn't going to stand around with a flute of champagne as so many of the people here seem to be doing tonight. It doesn't matter that he's in a different place and time; it wouldn't feel right. Fishing some money out of his pocket, he asks, "Are you getting anything?"
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Catching his words, Anya's child tilts upwards so that she can look at his face. The image of the serious man he was — still is — passionately speaking one minute, holding out her broom to her the next flashes through her mind. It had been a cold day then for all the talk of spring and new dawns. Not entirely different from the weather that they are currently experiencing here in Darrow. Her coat was made for a Parisian spring, a far cry from her practical wool coat. Much of what she'd worn in Paris would be deemed impractical, just as what she's wearing now is a bit light. Parties don't ask for practically. They're excuse to slip into finery and into foolishness. It isn't a place one would want to live in permanently. For now, it does just fine. Her reasons for shivering that day had been just as much out of a relived fear than the cold.
She opens her mouth to object as he drapes his suit coat on her shoulders. He's only in a waistcoat and shirt now and the air is still cold. "You'll freeze," she remarks, a wry sort of smile on her face even as she reaches up to pull the jacket closed around her shoulders. "Thank you, though, for the coat."
Waiting as he orders, she shakes her head when he asks. "No. I think that I've had plenty." She's not used to drinking. The champagne has gone a little to her head. "Three is more than enough. You can be a bit caught up by midnight."
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The downside, of course, is that he likes seeing her in his coat far more than he should, but he can set that aside for now. She'll be warmer; that's all that matters. Anything else is just an unintended side effect of sorts, and ought to be ignored without too much trouble. After all, that's the last thing she needs from him. It doesn't matter that she didn't see the way he all but fell apart after aiming a gun at her and attempting to follow through. He's still shown enough of his hand as it is, or so it seems to him, feelings that he should never have developed in the first place and has no interest or need to burden her with now.
Paying the man at the counter, he takes his drink, stepping aside and waiting for Anya to join him so they don't hold up the line. It's far more than he would ever have imagined he would pay for such a simple drink, but then, it isn't as if he's needed the money this place allotted him for much else since he got here. "I guess I'd better drink this quickly," he says, half-joking in earnest this time. "I don't have very long to try to do that catching up."
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Stepping out of the line Anya tosses a small wave and a happy new year to those working the booth. Falling into step with Gleb, she adjusts the coat on her shoulders re-securing it as she walks. The wool smells like he must smell, an earthy combination of scents that surprises her with the strange intimacy of it. Wearing someone else's clothes, freely given, is an affection gesture. This isn't like wearing the washed and mended hand-me-downs from her sisters. This is something else, something more adult in its fondness.
They do have a shared past, overlapping at very different points in their lives. Ten years between the closing of the gates and that day on Nevsky Prospekt. A decade before he saw her in Paris, a time that she doesn't remember, doesn't know how to process that he couldn't follow orders. That he resigned himself to die to let her live. One day she'll ask him why, find out more about that meeting. An odd sort of wonder runs through her as they walk closer to the effigy, meandering through the crowd. They are one hundred years from when they were teenagers in Ekaterinburg. What a strange life they have lived.
His stilted joke makes her smile. Once he told her that he had a sense of humor and while she didn't feel it then, she believes it now. "Yes you should. We can toast the new year later," she says before impulsively reaching out from the folds of his coat to grab his hand, gently tugging him along a little closer towards where the crowd thins. "Come on, let's find a good spot to view it. My former coworkers were telling me that it is quite spectacular at midnight."
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At least it's a little less packed over here, too, though there's no missing the crowd around them cheering in anticipation of midnight, each second drawing them closer to a year that he was never supposed to have lived to see. If he was going to begin it with anyone, though, here or otherwise, he'd have wanted it to be her. It's a strange thing, having the awareness of how much he was prepared to give up for her without ever really needing to do so. While he may never shake the moment when he realized that he couldn't follow his orders and the mess of complicated emotions that comes with that, he'll never question whether or not he made the right decision. Every time he looks at her, he knows he did. What that says about him, he can't entirely figure out, but that, too, is worth bearing.
"Well," he starts once they've found a place for themselves, but he doesn't finish whatever he might have said. He tips his head back instead, taking a long swallow of his drink — for courage, he thinks, though what he'd need courage for, he can't quite determine. Maybe just to be here at all. For warmth, too, though the sight of her in his coat leaves him warm enough. "They're counting down, I think."
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She'd succeeded in that. Now Russia is an entire world away. An entire lifetime, gone with a fury of anger.
"Yes it is," she agrees with a faint nod of her head as she comes to a stop. The lights and the cheering warms her in a way that is different from the coat. Perhaps the champagne really has gone entirely to her head, but the giddiness of the crowd is contagious. Another nod as she realizes that the countdown has started.
"Ten....nine...eight..."
She counts down along with them, pulling her gaze away from the effigy to look up at Gleb. Her hand is still clasped in his. As confusing as it may be, all the news that he has so recently shared with her, a history she still needs to unpack, she is glad that she isn't alone. That she is looking at the future with someone who remembers the past.
"Seven..."
The soft smile she offers him in genuine, her head tilted up to meet his eyes.
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Instead, here she is, clasping his hand and smiling up at him as the crowd counts down, making it hard not to wonder about things he told himself he wouldn't so much as consider. It isn't fair to, not after what he's done to her, what he almost did. It just also isn't entirely possible not to. Before, watching her at the ballet in Paris, already trying to convince himself to follow his orders — in retrospect, what probably ought to have been a sign that he wouldn't be able to — he'd tried thinking that there's no place for love in a revolution, certainly not enough to give up the cause over. There is no cause here now, though, that revolution a century behind them, and he knows with an odd sort of surety that he loves her. He's already chosen his side, anyway, by choosing her, putting her life before his own and everything he's fought for.
Maybe he ought to stop pretending that he'll ever be able to shake the way he feels for her.
"Happy new year, Anya," he says quietly, his own smile soft in turn, even as the cheers of the crowd around them grow louder and the countdown reaches zero. In the distance, he thinks he can smell smoke; the effigy must have gone up in flames, but despite what he's heard about the view, he can't bring himself to look away from her. She's impossibly beautiful, and standing this close, there's no shutting off the thoughts that filter through his head about how easy it would be to lower his head and kiss her. In a moment of rare boldness, he just about starts to do so, the slight movement more of a question than anything else and easily enough ignored but the look on his face, still conflicted but not about how he actually feels, likely speaking for itself.
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Watching him, Anya thinks she knows what he is about to do. A kiss at midnight is a tradition, a way to welcome love into the new year. He is likely going to kiss her cheek, another innocent yet awkward gesture. Or maybe he want to kiss her on the mouth, something she is less certain of. It wouldn't be how she imagined her first kiss at all. Despite the thoughts in her head, she finds herself leaning up towards him just a little.
None of this matters. The countdown ends and there is a bright flash of light as the effigy bursts into flames. This is immediately followed by another bright flash, this one of pain running through her. It feels like every bone in her body is breaking all at once. It is worse than any pain she has ever experience or every imagined.
Anya screams.
It doesn't help.
Somewhere in the pain she's released Gleb's hand, reaching to wrap her hands to her body, to make it stop. None of it does any good as her teeth elongate, fur sprouting, her body reforming into that of a wolf. Her dress, her shoes, her coat and his, are all ruined. Something wild grabs a-hold of her, a fierce primitive thing. The wolf that once was Anya lashes out, eager to escape, to howl at the full moon over head.
Any small reason that is left in her head doesn't question the feel of her paws lashing out, claws digging into and scratching into flesh, a fierce snap of teeth as she licks at human flesh. The warmth of something on her paws and fur. A howl escapes her and then just as quickly, she has jumped away, running off into the night and wild crowd.
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Any lack of logic, though, isn't enough for him to keep a distance, as if there's still some chance that this could be stopped somehow, that she might come back to herself. The only thing that sends him, finally, staggering back is when the wolf in front of him — because it's an animal now, and not Anya at all, all happening too quickly for him to even try to process — lunges up at him, claws digging through his shirt and into his chest. He's the one who cries out, then, hands lifting to press to the wounds left behind, already red and wet with his own blood.
Oh, he thinks, pain radiating through his chest, his breath shaky. On an instinct, he leans over, wincing as he does, to grab the tattered shreds of Anya's coat, watching the wolf disappear into the crowd as he does. The fabric barely visibly stains as he presses it to the gashes. Already, though, his mind is elsewhere. Anya had been hurt, screaming, and now she's gone. That seems far more important than anything that's happened to him, and means that he has to find her. Logic and injuries be damned, there isn't a chance he'll be alright until he knows that she is, too.